Four Wives Club

Polygamy is starting to make sense. Since the husband died before I lived here, I don’t know what its like having a man around the houses. But without that drama its like a tamed version of Desperate Housewives. Similar to a sorority, they have a name that binds them and there are rumors of pregnancy for all those random children walking around. But instead of ‘baby daddy’ questions, everyone wonders ‘whose your mama.”

Wife #1 is Ruth. And this lady is old. I like her because we cant understand each other but we both respect each other by not trying. She isn’t one of those annoying people that blabbers on which is good because Im not one of those people-pleasers that pretends to listen. Ruth has gray chest hair. This means that she could kick my ass. And I would let her. When Agreenar dies, she hugged me as I cried. Ever since then, Im Ruth’s #1 fan.

Wife #2 is Jane. Agreenar’s mom. She is a little lady and she loves to smile. Which is great because her teeth don’t like to stay in her mouth. Jane does blabber on. But Ive learned tricks to dealing with this. Like pointing out a scary bug and slipping into the shadows as she kills it. Most recently (and more disagreeably) she has catnapped WalkieTalkie. Currently planning search and rescue by means of mouth-watering-whisker-twitching fish via direct route through musuku trees to my casa Hansel and Gretal style. Minus the oven, since thankfully, Jane doesn’t have one.

Wife #3 is Naomi. Whom I relate to wasabi. I thought we understood each other in the beginning. She smiled and I smiled and then BAM, inhaled instead of swallowed and tears form while Im choking on realizing there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. Besides, she squints as she looks at me. And I have yet to figure out if its because she doesn’t trust me or because my skin is so pale she doesn’t know if I actually exist.

Wife #4 is Bedina. She is the one I spend most of my time with nowadays. Once when I was overwhelmed by a large group of visitors I hid in my hut. Worried that Bedina would have to justify my slightly offensive behavior, I tried to come up with an explanation. But she refused my words and said, “your same like me, same like my son.”
One day she came in my hut and asked about the box of wine. I told her what it was, “same like cibuku.”
“ah, yebo!”
“Do you want some?”
She nodded.
And took a gulp. And made the same face as a child swallowing cold medicine. The nasty red Robotussin kind not delicious purple Dimeatapp.
“ah, Lweendo. Its good for you but not good for me.”
Then she asked if she could have one of my bras.
“um sure. That’s kinda weird and it probably wont fit since you’ve had a lot of kids and everyone knows that jacks up your shit but if it will make you happy...”

It happened one day that Bedina was gone visiting a sick relative. Paying little attention to the question ‘but how will I eat’ lingering in my mind, I bravely decided to help the man demolishing Agreenar’s house (brick by brick) in order to build another structure somewhere else. It was strenuous with the blaring sun and soon my hands were blistering since we only had one tool that he was using to break up the clay mortar. Of course he took his cibuku breaks and seriously so I got to relax my dusty palms and cracked fingernails. (where was my brother and his Mary Poppins bag o’ tricks with gloves and tools).
All morning the children were bugging me. Asking to color or to play disckee (Frisbee) or football or dance or... As I yelled at them to “leave me alone, Im working” I saw the 2nd wife walking over, carrying my lunch.
And then it hit me.
I am the man of the houses.