Mid-Term Conference

In-Country Stats
Books Read: 98
Books Written: ¼
Snakes In Hut: 3
Snakes Killed: 0
# of exotic diseases self-diagnosed: 3
# of exotic diseases professionally diagnosed: 0
Rules broken: 4
Sunglasses owned: 2
Sunglasses lost: 2
# of people punched: 3
# of times I’ve been punched: 0
Weight loss: 15 pounds
Animals owned: 2
Animals I still own: 0
# of bike crashes: 5
# of knives owned: 3
# of knives I still own: 1
Songs written: 4

Things I’ve Learned
1. Rookie mistake of washing reds with whites applies to every color of Chitenges and your favorite shorts
2. Either name the bugs or kill them because staring at them just makes them scarier
3. The grit of dirt shines pots and pans. Its nature’s elbow grease.
4. Never take your hands off the handlebars.
5. Never wear tropicals when gathering firewood. Potential for machete slashing toes of trip/faceplant to the amusement of locals.
6. Its better to be polite than to be honest.
7. When running, never put the house key in your bra or it could be added to the list of things lost in the bush.
8. Always dance with rastas.
9. I should never own another pet.
10. People die.
11. Kids will do anything for sweeties.
12. Lusaka Zambians have no concept of Village Zambians.
13. Netball has no net.
14. I can start a fire with 1 match.
15. Organizations don’t care about people. People care about people.

It was great to see all my friends again. Besides social time though, the conference was a waste of time for me. Most people have moved on from HIV/AIDS to more tangible work such as agriculture and building projects. And I don’t blame them. It is disheartening to constantly face the beliefs that keep people from making decisions to protect themselves from something they will rarely publicly acknowledge. And it was even more frustrating to listen to the reasons administration is shutting down my program and my province. Because I don’t feel they are giving up on me but instead giving up on people that really need help. And that’s how I learned my latest lesson.
16. I lack the ability to bullshit.
Diplomacy is not a career for me. Which is fine. Because as far as Im concerned, it is a profession of dog-shit motives slicked in cookie dough breath.
I protest their filthy ways.
I attempt to fail at my ideals.

Tomorrow Im headed back to Malawi. This time Im taking a proper bus and meeting some friends. Im going to get scuba certified which Ive wanted to do for awhile. And hopefully I will dance with some rastas. Because that is always some fun. When I come back to good ole Zambia, Im having a village meeting to move because my wives left me and Ive realized I cant take care of myself. And I really want to live with a family. I hope yall are living it up in AmericaLand. Peace!