A Place for a Thing

Its as if she died. Absurd really, since Ive been receiving regular updates from her doctor. I cleaned out her house today. I explained the tragic accident to her neighbors. My promises that she will recover mean nothing as their eyes say "she's dead to us. we wont meet again."

Have you ever packed up a person's home?

The way they store things.

The things they hoard.

Her vocabulary cards for learning the local language were fabricated conversations.

The volunteer that saved her life was humble in recording the event.

When I took the job nobody told me what to do when a volunteer suddenly left. Theres plenty of advice of how to move someone in to their new house - but how do I destroy a home?

Buckets. And tupperware. And a place for everything. Everything is labeled. And measured. She probably never got a Thing until she had a Place.

A couple of project oriented men volunteered to hang a shelf and shower curtain in my bathroom. I awkwardly stood to oversee their work habits and in doing so looked around at my home as if I was seeing in through their eyes. I have a mirror in 3 broken pieces lying in different corners. I have 5 incorrectly balanced chairs in a pile against a wall. I have a single sized mattress on a double sized frame. More books on the floor than I've read all year.

3 harmonicas.

2 guitars.

1 amp.

2 mosquito nets stuffed on a shelf. 0 nets hung over my bed.

1 safe that I really should drill into the wall otherwise its really just a heavy box.

If someone had to pack up my home, I'd rather they just burned everything. My Things have no Place without me.

Becoming a Leader

Its been 6 months. Halfway through a year of leading a group of people.
Ive never simultaneously worried about 28 people but now I cant stop thinking about each of them. How do parents do it?
Some of my friends want to know who I like the best. But they are each so hilariously unique that I have found small things I like in each person.
One guy can never sit still. He always wants to be tinkering on a project. Which is great since I "fix" everything with duct tape, Im learning to discuss construction methods and tools.
One guy loves 2 things. Bluegrass and Cooking. Im learning to love the mandolin twang.
One girl watches anime and enjoys scientific discussions about plants and photo something or other. Im learning to get into cartoons.
One girl constantly updates me on pop culture and whats in fashion. As if I was really sad to be missing the skinny jeans rage. Im learning the details of Lady Gaga.

Uniting a group of individuals is challenging. Each person with different talents and interests. Each person being selfish because they give so much of themselves in their village.

Learning when to say nothing has been harder than learning what to say.
Being the face of other peoples' incompetence has been humiliating. But nothing as close to learning to admit my own incompetence.
Watching people make the same mistakes I did but not intervening because maybe they need to learn the hard way.
Staying positive on the outside for them even though Im falling apart on the inside.
Saying sorry. Listening. Saying sorry again.
Not only saying no but giving a different option. Because sometimes I just dont care. Learning to care.

Becoming a Leader is Learning.
And I am still becoming.