Juggling Thoughts

Help me.
His words are rattling in my mind like a continuous pinball machine.
The sound of them. The meaning of them. The honesty is the request.
Where is your pride? Help yourself!
Sustainable Development.
Teach me how to help myself. Help me to help me.
When you give are you supposed to care what the person does with the gift?
What is policy but the prevention of a broken heart and the redistribution of guilt?
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Lately people have been commenting on my walk. Ive never really thought about it. I walk how I feel. Agreenar loves it and says I walk like a soldier. Which makes me think of high steps and precision. Neither of which are my favorite things. So perhaps it has to do with confidence. Are you a head high and shoulders back or a looking at the grit in the ground type walker?
Im a roamer. My head is high so my vision can roam the sky. clouds, birds, the position of the sun. My eyesight darts among the tree trunks and I nestle my dreams in the leaves.
In small town life people always ask where your headed. Its disconcerting to them when I say I dont know. So sometimes I say the school or the clinic or my home. Depending on which direction Im meandering in. yes, meandering. This is how I walk. Sure, sometimes I have meetings and then I ride my bike. Because if Im supposed to be there then I would rather be There and not on my way. Which is why I like living where Im not supposed to be anywhere, because then its like I can be everywhere.
Meandering through towns, villages, roads and paths.
Through relationships, conversations, decisions.
A destination brings limitation.
My soul is shut up in confinement as the adventure of breath steadies.
Steady breath is disconcerting.
It inhales expectation.
It exhales results.
Yes, the way that I walk is meandering breath.
shallow and deep, short and drawn out, staggered and haughty, exasperating and demanding.
My breath
the barometer of my vision.
Is the Compass
of my footprints
Meandering through this disconcerting life.